


being enough; Levi

by hobarikuusouka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, College Student Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobarikuusouka/pseuds/hobarikuusouka
Summary: - you just want to be with him
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	being enough; Levi

You were tired. Not only were you sleep deprived for-you don’t actually how long- ages, also your mental health wasn’t in a stable place. Your constant fear to fail in every area of your life, does the rest. You were so tired, that you only lay in your bed, your eyes kept staring on the ceiling. It was pitch black in your room; your head sunk into your many stuffed animals. You were glad that your roommate was never here. She snucks out to her boyfriend’s place, so you could be for yourself.

You sigh, hearing loud banging and bass boosting music from 2 rooms next to you. It was always like this, so you got used to it, but today was an exception. Anger bubbles in your body. Couldn’t they be doing drugs and loud music at some other time, when you’re not like this? The void seems to consume you and you wished you could fill it; with him. You knew it was just sex, but your heart yearns for more, than he could ever give you. But you got along with this, feeling your body getting number with every shared kiss, every thrust and every intimate moment, which isn’t real. 

You flinch as you heard your door open. For a second you thought your roommate was there but as soon as you hear his voice, your heart begins to flutter. “Why’s so dark in here are you vampire?”. He states, without a sign of a joke, but you knew it was. You don’t reply, instead you just lay there. You forgot he was coming to your place. 

“You dead?”, he snaps at you, while he makes room for himself on your bed. I wish, you wanted to say, but instead you sit up, loop your arms around him. You buried yourself in his defined chest, feel his heartbeat through his hoodie. “What’s up?”, he asks confused, because he never seen you like this, and you could tell he’s a little overwhelmed with the whole situation. His hands grab your arm, pushing you just a lightly away. “Will you fucking tell me what’s up or should I guess?”, he groans annoyed and his tone, you’re normally used to, scatter salt in your open wounds. Right now, you were too sensitive, everything you want is just smelling his scent that calms you down, usually. Right now, you can’t find the peace you desperately looking for. 

“Fuck you.”, you mumble, avoiding his eyes. He only scoffed. “I came here to have a little stress relief and now you’re the one making a fuss huh.”, he coldly says, and it hurts. You fucking know. You both are just parties who fuck, nothing more. You fling his hand away. “Go.”. You didn’t want to say this. 

He stands up, without a word and you’re hurt. You want to scream at him, tell him how you want- What do you want? 

“Text me when you’re not being a brat.”, he adds and you’re about to throw him out of the window. The door shuts loudly, making you realize what just happened. In a blink of an eye, you frighten away the only one you wanted to keep. You kept staring at the door, hoping he would come back, but his wouldn’t happen. You and Levi were just fuck buddies. Noting more nothing less. It was a secret, you told nobody. Not even your shared circle of friends. You were professionals to keep it a secret. 

You realize how you fucked up. What did you expect? That he would graze through your hair, kiss your problems away? You didn’t even want it yourself so why were you so desperate for this kind of affection? Levi wasn’t this kind of person, so were you. That’s why it was never complicated; Until now. Until feelings got in the way. 

You curse under your breath, keeping the damn tears, not worth of escaping. You ask yourself what just happened. 

…

“I’m fucked.” 

Hanji lets out a frustrated sound, their head banging loudly in the table. You’re petting your friend’s head and Erwin lets out a low chuckle. “How often did I tell you to study for this test?”. Hanji growls and you and Erwin exchange gazes. You stretch out your arm, snapping his holy chocolate drink away from him. “Hey, that’s mine?”. You only grin at him, open his favourite drink and taking a delicious sip. “That’s for being a bigmouth.”, you only say and he only scoffs, but gifts you a cheeky smile hat says, ‘payback is bitch’.

“Hanji, let’s study next time okay? If you pass, I’ll give you 10 packs of your favourite gummy bears- “. You couldn’t finish speaking, because Hanji suddenly clings on you, like you’re their personal saviour, robbing the air out of your throat. “How could I deserve a best friend like you?”, they cried out, the whole canteen was looking at you. “Shithead, they’re looking at you.”

A new voice appears. It was Levi and your mind went automatically blank. After the last not so well proceeded meeting, you didn’t speak to each other. A whole weekend has passed, and you weren’t sure how to act. How did you act before? Why was this so hard now? 

“Shorty shut up.”, Hanji spats cheekily, while the man only scoffs, takes his seat next to Erwin. You stare onto your plate, not sure what you’re doing, but you felt his eyes for a split second on you, covered under the attention of your friends. You felt your cheeks burning. Damn your body kindly betrays you. 

You felt a rough hand on the back of your hand. You knew it was Erwin’s. “Everything’s alright?”, he only whispers, unheard for the others. You look at him, gave him a reassuring smile, that says ‘don’t worry’. You felt his blue eyes bore into you. He doesn’t believe you, while should he? He knows you better than everyone and yet you lie to him, without missing a second. While you two are having a silent argument, the other two doing their duty to insult themselves. They’re friends, actually, even when it doesn’t look like this. What you don’t register are Levi’s glimpses he gave you. He doesn’t want to admit, but his mind found itself at he thought of you and Erwin and he doesn’t like it. You’re not acting like yourself and he secretly wants to know the reasons behind it; But he’s too afraid to ask. 

“You want to meet up at the library for the next assignment?”, Erwin asks you and you gladly go along. Studying with Erwin was always calm, organized and precise. You did actually get work done (different with Hanji). 

“When?”

“After today’s class and after our study session I treat you your favourite pizza.”. You smile. “I love you; you know that?”, you let out, wanting to smooth your best friend right now. “Hey, what’s with the lovey dovey?”. Hanji speaks up and you only cringe. “What the fuck?”, you’re letting out and nearly fell from your seat. Hanji and you laugh so loud, that you were entertaining the whole area, but it doesn’t matter. 

“Erwin did you hear this?”, you choked out, between your laughs that are actually looking painful, because of your tears escaping your eyes. He heard and Levi did too. Suddenly the raven-haired stands up and leaves, without looking at you. You were instantly quiet, followed with your eyes the disappearance of him. It prickles in your chest, because you promptly thought you did something wrong. “Huh, what’s with him?”, Hanji asks, instead of you. Erwin only shrugs. “He didn’t tell me.”, he only adds, leaving no room for more discussion. 

You had the sudden urge to follow him; But you knew it was out of question. Levi wanted it to be a secret between you two. You aren’t even sure if this what is between is still there. Being anxious wasn’t even a term. You decided to text him after your study session with Erwin, hoping he would reply. 

….

Why couldn’t you be so focused like Erwin who looks like the god himself, studying with no break and then he explains everything so nicely to you? How is he even real? Your head feels so heavy, lying on your arm, while Erwin buried himself in the books before him. You smiled, while looking at him. Sometimes there was a little voice in your head, asking why you couldn’t have developed feelings for him? He was perfect in every aspect, he cares, and you knew he had a crush for you long time ago. You loved the silence, and the library was the perfect place for it. Just very few students gather in these halls. 

“You’re sleepy, y/n.”, the blond states, earns a mumbling from you. “no, I’m studying.”, you answer, and you hear him chuckle. He ruffles trough your hair, ignoring your pouting, while his finger slightly massaging your scalp. “I don’t know drooling on the books is supposed to be studying.”. Instantly you’re straightening your back and wipe the evidence away. “I’ll grab some coffee and then I’m fit for use. You want some too?”, you ask him, while standing up. He waves and you’re making your way. 

You hate that you can’t think straight. The situation with Levi nibbles on your nerves and you couldn’t handle these feelings well, already feeling unease in your stomach. You head out of the library, to go to the vending machines, standing some meters away on the side of the library complex. The sun was slowly setting, and you paused for a while. It was nearly 4 pm and the glow was nearly perfect. The sun feels so nice on your skin that you’re nearly drowning in this moment, completely forgetting your environment. 

“Oi.”. You snap out of your daydreaming and the first thing you see was him. Levi, who looks like he actually wants to murder you. It wasn’t his normal stern face; he doesn’t seem in the mood at all. “Hi?”, you reply, feeling already giddy. It was his effect on you. You were already on your knees. 

“You could at least tell me your feelings before you fucked with me.”

Your eyes wide, unable to process his statement. “Huh?”, was everything that left your lips and he just scoffed. His expression changes. He looks just dead annoyed and kind of arrogant. “Don’t play with me.”.  
You didn’t know what he means. “Levi, I don’t get what you mean?”, you seriously tell him, and you feel how you feel your body tremble. 

“Oh, you don’t know that you and Erwin have something going on I was just a side thing?”. He finally speaks and you couldn’t believe what he just said. 

“I am fucking right and now go to him, he’s waiting.”. Levi turns around, but you were quicker. Ignoring his hateful gaze, that bores into you, you’re blocking his way. Your palms lie on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. “you’re an idiot, Levi.”.  
“now you’re calling me names. How low.”, he snarls at you, took your hands and threw them away from you. You were a little taken back from his sudden action. “I don’t have anything going on with Erwin. I never had. If you had listened to me, you would know that it was you.”, you finally breathed out, what you always wanted to say; But too scared to do. 

“always you.”, you added this in the storm of your feelings. For a bliss you looked into Levi’s grey eyes and then you ran back into the library, leaving him there. Levi is just standing there, in the middle of nothing and totally dumbfounded. He couldn’t handle what you just said. Why did you run away? Levi’s body tell him, to chase you, to ask you if this was true. He really wants to know, but instead of doing so, his body freezes, unable to reach out to you. 

Why did he come here in the first place? He assumed that you had feelings for the blond. He watched him, slowly grazing through your hair and he was about to break every knuckle of Erwin’s hand. He had no entitlement to be actually jealous, but he couldn’t stop. He just saw you as someone who’s only there for him. It was out of question for him. He didn’t even have someone beside you. So, when he felt that you’re not like yourself anymore, your eyes miss the sparkle, every time you two are together, he was sure that you liked someone; Not him. 

And here you were, telling him with your whole chest, that you like him? Him? Out of all the people that admire you? Levi wouldn’t commit to it loudly, but something in his brain always told him, that he didn’t deserve you at all, not you. When both of you made out at the party month ago, Levi couldn’t believe, that it’s really happened. He was on the constant brink, he could wake up and you’re not laying next to him, your warm skin brushing against his cold one. Now his nightmares were real. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad. You were bare before him, shouting your feelings at him and on the other hand Levi was too scared, too coward to admit. 

You were running into the library. You didn’t know where else to go. You just want to leave the scene and him. Erwin instantly notices. His head peaks up, while you try to remain calm; But you couldn’t foul your best friend. He didn’t need to ask where your coffee is or why you had taken so long- He knew. “Let’s get out here, common.”. Erwin was a pure angel. You couldn’t speak. Every try you would take; your tears would flow. He grabs your bag, insisting to carry it, while you’re looking like a lost sheep. The blond lead you out of the building and you’re hoping, Levi wouldn’t be there. 

You can’t even bring yourself to look around, your eyes are fixed on the ground. “He isn’t here, y/n.”, he reassured you and you could finally breathe. “Erwin, I- “. Instantly tears escaping your eyes and you begin to sob uncontrollably, not finishing your sentence. 

“I knew.”, he starts, and you look up to him. You could tell he was disappointed. “I thought you or Levi would tell me, so I waited.”. He sighs, ruffling through your hair, like he always does, and it soothes you a little. “We aren’t in a relationship, I doubt there would be something after this.”, you spoke, feeling your whole body tremble. 

“After what?”.

“I confessed my feelings to him, I shouted them, and I ran.”, you answer, and you see Erwin’s little smile, creeping on his lips. “Huh?”

“Why you’re smiling like that?”, you add, waiting for an answer. “You two are unbearable. Thinking we wouldn’t sense something. You two really thought, we were that dense.”  
“Hanji too?”. A chuckle was his answer and now you were dumfounded. It was so obvious for them and they kept quiet the whole time? “I hate you both.”, you spat at him with reddened eyes. “We love you too.”. You shove him playfully away, earning a laugh. “I can’t believe you.”, you shout annoyingly. “It’s so damn embarrassing.” 

“I found it quite entertaining.”. You punch him. “Anyways it’s over now.”, you breathed out, feeling the tight knot in your heart. “I don’t think so and you know that.”, he interferes. You couldn’t reply to him. You don’t want it to be over. There was this huge misunderstanding between you two, that needs to be solved. He was never a side whatsoever. He was always your first priority, while you were questioning him; To think he thought the same, was draining; to say at least. 

“We’ll see.”, was the last thing you would say for now. “I heard you’ll invite me to pizza.”, you changed the topic and Erwin kindly goes along. “I don’t know, when I ever said that.”. Whines left your lips, because he would now play with you. “I have receipts you said that!”, you pout, and he just laughs, leaving the university complex with you. 

You knew he would treat you pizza. 

….

It was exhausting, draining and everything that is sucking out every last energy you have. Avoiding Levi. It wasn’t your best move, but you didn’t know how to face the older one. Even if you see him in a distance, his raven hair peaks through other people, you ran away. Even Hanji couldn’t believe you two, calling you “lovesick teenager”. You punched them, every time. 

Erwin was still around Levi and you were glad he does. They were also friends and you don’t want them to separate, just because you couldn’t talk this out. 

“I’m so bad.”, you mumble, with your face buried in your arms. Hanji chuckles. “Looks familiar.”. You groan, wanting nothing more than a good portion of sleep; Forever. “y/n, it isn’t so bad, you can compensate this mark with…”, you don’t listen to them, because it wasn’t just the bad mark that’s on your mind. Your heart aches and it gets stronger, each time you refuse to gain some bravery to speak to him. 

“I just wan to see his face…”, you whisper, and you expect Hanji to laugh at you, telling you to ‘just-go-see-him-it-isn’t-that-hard’, but instead there was silence. 

“Then why you’re running away from me, woman.” 

The first reaction to his voice, was to say ‘fuck’ and you heard Hanji laugh. Fuck. Why was he here, right in front of you and all the others who are watching? Your heart seems to jump out of your chest, while you’re desperately trying to find a way out.   
“please go.”, you whisper, not facing him, because your face was red like fire. “No.”, he simply says, and you finally raise your gaze. He stands right before your desk, looking down on you and you feel yourself instantly drawn to him. You hated his effect on you. 

“Everyone is watching, you don’t like that.”, you spat, harsher than you want. Why couldn’t you just think straight for once? Levi only scoffs, his hoodie hanging loose on his defined body. “Stop this bullshit y/n and please let us talk.”. Who was he to call this? Why were you so in a mess, that you see his behaviour as provocative?

“I- “. You don’t know anymore. Maybe it was your pride speaking, not yourself. Everything in you was burning, not knowing how to handle the situation well. His eyes soften, ignoring the staring gazes of the others in the lecture hall. “Please.”. The soft and kind of desperate tone in his voice shift something in you. “When?”.

“Now? I heard it was your last lecture.”. You couldn’t decline. You just couldn’t; So, you only nod, excuse yourself from Hanji, who only smiles. You ignore the others, following the man, you’re so deeply in love with, outside. What should you say after your confession? 

“Are you free to grab a tea?”, he quietly asks, while you two are heading out of the building. You just nod, having trouble to find the right words.   
It was empty on the floor, only your footsteps could be heard. “y/n?”, he breaks the silence and you looked at him. “Can’t you please say something? I- I ‘m not used to you not talking.”, he demands and both halt. Your eyes bore into his. “and I’m not used to this.”, you reply, mentioning his different behaviour.   
The mood was tearing. “I know.”.

“but I want to apologize for being such an ass, accusing you of something, just because I couldn’t face my own insecurity of not being good enough for you.”, he breathes out, while his eyes are focused on something else, not looking at you. You could this was difficult for him. His ears were red, not hidden form his silky, black hair. 

“Why in the world could you think something like this?”, was the first thing that left your lips. Levi, the most wanted man on the campus was afraid of not being good enough for someone like you? You could only imagine how deep his insecurities root and a part in you always want to discover them. 

“The evening, when you left… I was desperate to have you. I just wanted you to hold me, to tell me you’re here and you left.”, you came clean and he looks ropey. It makes your heart ache so much, that you just want to hold him.   
“I was anxious, that you want to end things. I misread and I am sorry.”. You sense that he was really sorry. He confesses his feelings out here, not caring for someone to overhear it. “Thank you.”. 

Your answer surprises him and you see him searching for words. “I should thank you, y/n. For loving someone like me.”. 

That gave you the rest. You instantly found yourself into him. His arms wrap around your frame, drowning you into his scent, you were missing so much. You take a longs exhale, feeling his racing heartbeat against your ear. “you are an idiot.”, you muffle against his hoodie, feeling tears prickling again. He chuckles low, kissing your scalp softly, while his finger grazes over your back. This was more than you could ever ask for. Just him. 

“I’m trying y/n okay?”. 

You only nod against his chest, squeezing into him more, until you become one. There was more to talk about, but that’s for later.

**Author's Note:**

> \- after some time i posted something new and i struggled lmao. Thank you always for giving me a chance and leaving kudos!! i appreciate this so much.


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